I volunteer to furkid sit for a few friends of mine, for the next week or so I will be so  engaged...and this is quite representative of the issues I will have with their "loved ones".

These kids have not yet been taught restraint, although I have threatened to teach them.

As for our bunch, Amber (the 4 month old chihuahua) and Galen (the 6 year old Papillion) both decided I was fair game for a rousing battle of the dogs, on the bed at 5:00 in the morning...I tried burrowing under the covers only to find that Amber had beat me to it and I met her face to face, picked her up and pitched her out from under only to discover that Galen had discovered what she had done so when I went back under the covers, Galen said effectively: "Hi there, where did she go?" The better part of valor and all that, and I decided to just get up and start my day.

Right now, they are sleeping peacefully all in a bunch - they look so innocent!

LeConteur

WHO ARE YOUR HEROS?

I am a bibliophile, when the Gaffer and I move, the first thing out of the house are the books...boxed, labelled and ready to be mailed to the new address - last move it was over two tons of books and we do not accumulate paperbacks.

I recently came across a book that brought me to my knees in thought:  Heros for My Daughter  by Brad Meltzer.  Now there are many of you who know that my daughter did not live past her fifth birthday, and there are many things I wish I could have imparted to her before she left for her next life, one of them was the heros that meant something to me.  A lot of them are included in this book as well as some surprises.

I would like to add a few of my own:  Katherine Hepburn, she was before her time - if you have not seen "Pat and Mike" then you are missing a great movie, Susan Faludi, author of "Backlash", Beryl Markham, look her up for yourself, Mary Leakey, Lawdog, Susan Eloise Hinton...I could go on, so many women and men have influenced my life...and so many more will before I "leave this mortal coil".

One of the men who was most influential was Crazy Crow...an avowed Shaman and wonderful trickster.  His gift was to allow his friends to participate in a vision quest to see what they could see of themselves...I discovered that I had been a falconer in a past life - no wonder that I love birds of prey and empathize with them.

Again, I ask, who are your heros - people who have influenced your life, not the "heros" of celebrity or sports, unless they are really worthy of the acclaim...

The mist rising above the crest of a wave
a million selves reflecting upon each other
lasting but a moment, before continuing
This is life evolving out of the depths
of eternity
to color a moment
before continuing
   -Rick Duncan

Le Conteur

so how do YOU train a dog?

This BoardingHouse has officially "gone to the dogs".  There is a blind furson here, Abbie, there is a "nose now firmly bent out of shape" furson here,, Missie; there is a new furson - the only male - other than the Gaffer - (they must stick together you know) Galen and looming on the horizon is a young princess furson, Amber.  WE MUST BE OUT OF OUR MINDS! Now I have to admit, that so far they are not neurotic, although living in this BoardingHouse may make them so,  it just cannot be that difficult to train them - one of these fursons will be the successor to Jean Luc, it will probably be Amber.  That means that she will be trained to assist at disaster scenes in the recovery tent.

Dogs teach you so very much about yourself - they are the gift that keeps giving - check under the dining room table, love you like it is never going to hurt, they meet you at the door after you have been out late with that "Do you have any idea what time it is, Young lady - you're gounded" look.  They howl at the moon - how many times have YOU wanted to do that?

I picked up a book at the library:  "Lipstick and the Leash"...well, it's not bad, I admit, I picked it up because of the boots she is wearing...in another life - sigh.  One of her posits is "Make sure that your body language is saying what you mean".  This is sort of like: say you (woman) have decided to go down to the neighborhood pub for a few elbow bendings, by yourself.  Do you dress up, put on makeup and preen before the mirror ( I do, but that is because they would probably put me away for being a public nuisance if I didn't) and determine that you are the best you can be or do you take a look and say, it's not dirty, I have on deodorant and I am wearing shoes - off I go, I as good as it's going to get!

Say there is a gentleman(?) there who is good looking, ...You take a look, say Hum..., but he notices...would he be more likely to come over and preen in your direction if you were A and snooty or B and approachable?  Body language, people!  Your lips say no, but your eyes said yes...

So I will be (being trained) or will I train?  Sorry, Amber - but you are the one who will have to follow commands, just like the rest of the inhabitants of this BoardingHouse.

Le Conteur

WHAT IS YOUR TONGUE DOING RIGHT NOW?

Had a dream the other night - it was of my tongue...yeah, I know - w--i--e--r--d.  But I got to thinking, what does it do with itself when it is not doing what it was designed to do?  Does it sleep?  Does it plan for tomorrows pizza, does it not want to learn French even if you do...can it sing by itself?  Do we care?  It was designed to taste, help us to speak, keep our teeth in alignment when we have our mouth closed, register complaints by sticking itself out at malefactors.  A lot of the time it just does what it was supposed to do, but other times we can command it to do things...does it know the difference, can it determine if that person we want to stick it out at is really worth the effort and then decide that it won't?

There are various phrases in the English language that have to do with tongues, - tongue lashing - ever tried to lash your tongue?  Tongue tied, can you really tie your tongue? Tongue and groove - does this relate to tonguing and grooving to some dance?  Tongue twister - does it really determine that it can't say aluminum, but says, al-u-min-ium? or geranium but says ger-mane-ium?  I wonder - what is your tongue doing right about now?

Le Conteur

into the unknown

This last week, the Gaffer and I wandered our way to the Washington, D.C. environs and participated at the oldest son's(the Gaffer's son's) wedding.  I have mixed feelings about being a step-parent, the term almost sounds as if you either: made a misstep or the kids could step around you.  I don't see it either way.  I spent some time talking directly to his past wife, she did raise some incredible kids, all of whom I am just delighted to know, but it also felt good to hear the kids comments: " was that really Le Conteur over there talking to mom?" and know that there was little she could do to rankle my feathers.

The wedding went off without a hitch, no shotguns needed and they departed to earn their living at the casinos in Atlantic City.  I understand that they are coming back early.

Le Conteur

Passages...

Memorial Day...The day we remember those who gave their lives so that we could enjoy the freedoms we have...some of them did not wish to go - they were drafted - some of them fought to go - some looked deep within themselves and volunteered to go, men, women, animals...all thought of other than themselves and put their lives on the line as soon as they put on their uniform.  They knew instinctively that they would be lucky if they came back, but they all went - somewhere on this earth - to fight, or stand, for that nubulous thing called Freedom.
What are we teaching our children?  I don't want to teach them that "War is good and proper"  that "Joining the military will make a man or a woman out of you." Are we teaching them anything of value?  I want to teach them that the things they take for granted are purchased at a price greater than anything they have in their pockets.  I want to teach them that they can be playful, thoughtful, wishful, hopeful and can acheive something of value in their world, but they have to be willing to fight for it if it becomes necessary.  I want to teach them that Freedom is NOT Free.

I will take a minute of your time and quote to you C.S. Lewis:

War threatens us with death and pain.  No man (sic) need try to attain a stoic indifference about these things:  but we can guard against the illusions of the imagination.  We think of the streets of Warsaw and contrast the deaths there suffered with an abstraction called Life. But there is no question of death or life for any of us; only a question of this death or that - of a machine gun bullet now or a cancer forty years later.  What does war do to death?  It certainly does not make it more frequent:  100 per cent of us will die, and the percentage cannot be increased.  It puts several deaths earlier: but I hardly suppose that that is what we fear.  Certainly when the moment comes, it will make little difference how many years we have left behind us.  Does it increase our chances of a painful death?  I doubt it...what we call natural death is usually preceded by suffering:  and a battle is one of the very few places where one has a reasonable prospect of dying with little or no pain at all.  Does it increase our chances of dying at peace with God?  I cannot believe it.  If active service does not persuade a man (sic) to prepare for death, what...would?  Yet war does do something to death.  It forces us to remember it...War makes death real to us..."

Death also reminds us that others still live, and for them we should prepare to keep their lives free to enjoy their days, give comfort to them when needed, and season their lives with the truth.

As my daughter once said:  " Mum, why can't we all just get along?"

Le. Conteur

The DECK

We are probably the neighbors that you wish would NOT start projects that are visible to the rest of the neighborhood.

A while back Toothless (all 5 lbs of him) fell through the stairs on our deck...so the Gaffer and I  took a LONG look at the deck, said to ourselves, WE CAN DO THIS...and began destruction...we found things that were probably best left undiscovered until the next millenium...including the fact that said deck had never been approved, much less had a permit for construction.

In this part of the nation there are nasties like, carpenter ants, silverfish, termits, bees that nest in the ground, etc. etc. we discovered all of their hiding places.  Now we have a deck that resembles the bones of a viking ship that has been unearthed...and it is going to stay that way for awhile.

We have to budget for this project...one board at a time.  I absolutely refuse to dig 6ft holes for concrete and posts...done that, don't need to do it again...but it needs doing...so, viking ship it is...we are thinking of mounting a buxom lady on the uprights, but that probably is not within the homeowners association code. Narrow minded as they are.

We are actively looking for another boarder...we prefer cops, firefighters, SWAT team members, ambulance folk...these are the people that make our lives worthwhile.  No such luck yet, also they have to be really good at construction!  We will provide shelter, utilities, food and such, just HELP with the deck!

Le Conteur

EULOGY

http://www.thegafferchronicles.blogspot.com/  Today I am referring my friends to a friend of mine's blog.
You see The Gaffer and I share a lot of time together, but we do not usually speak with one tongue.  Today, however, is one of those days.

I have spoken of this remarkable young man before.  He came to live in this Boardinghouse from a terrible abuse situation.  Three legs broken and thrown away.  A rescue group "Pasado's Safe Haven" in Sultan WA.  called us and said that they had another dog that would be a great service dog. (The Gaffer and I had just 'Christmas eve' lost our other service dog - Gypsy Rose.)  So, Jean Luc (Yes, of the Picard family) came to stay.

He travelled the states with me, riding in style in the cabin as he was a service dog.  He worked with Police, fire, rescue, elders and just plain folks in the capacity of Grief relief.  He was a fighter, a lover (at age 21 and having had 'the operation' LONG ago) tried to mate with one of the other boarders here.  We shouldn't laugh at someone else's expense, but you see one of his legs never healed - the back one so for him to try to woo someone was really funny, especially as the she here is blind and was ready to rip him a new one but couldn't find him.

For nine years, he never left my side.  Now, I have, years ago, lost a  human child - to murder - and this was nothing like that, but still - our four legged (or three legged) friends get under our skin and reside in our hearts, give us joy, give us grief, but never, ever betray us or want anything else but love, friendship and caring from us.

I do a lot of grief work - Critical Incident Stress stuff for first responders - things that make them laugh, cry, yell and scream at me and at themselves, but when it comes to my own grief, I look to memories and times of joy and laughter - most of all laughter.  We lit a candle for him, rang the temple bell, shared a glass of Aquavit - Whooo - and told him that we would meet him (and the others) across that Rainbow Bridge some day - so watch out.

                                         Jean Luc
                                         1990 - 2012
                                         In order to really enjoy a dog,
                                         One doesn't merely train him to be semi-human.
                                         The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility
                                         Of becoming partly a dog.

SCIOLISM

It appears I am doomed to be surrounded by people who have no knowledge.  Not that I have a lot, but I know when I am being bamboozled.  As I have stated before, there are an increasing number of us who either are reaching or have reached our "Sell-By" date.  This appears to wave the green flag in the face of anyone under 30.  That means that they (the whippersnappers) believe that they can pass anything off on us, the experienced.

Went to the local witchdoctor the other day with the Gaffer.  Now I go along for truth, accuracy, comic relief.  He goes along because, I made the appointment, dragged him out and forced him to go.  The results are usually all the same:  "You are extremely healthy for someone of your age". (Did find out he was allergic to hampsters)  YEAH, HAMPSTERS - aren't going have none of those in this boardinghouse.

Anyway, the Gaffer and I are both "retired" paramedics.  Broke our eyeteeth on the streets of Washington, D.C.  Have a few tales we can share with ambulancedriver over a few cold ones...but enough of that...a little background...the Gaffer was one of the first nationally registered paramedics in the nation (Sell-by date, remember) and he taught Trauma medicine at Georgetown University, so it is really hard to put one over one him, although I try every day.  So when the Witchdoctor comes in and looks at me, who is just sitting there waiting for the fun to begin, and speaks to me as if the Gaffer was not there - "We will need him to take his shirt off because we are going to take an xray"...I can hardly hold back the snorts and giggles, when the Gaffer speaks up and says:  "AP and Lateral, right?"  Suddenly, the Medico goes all pale and begins to backtrack.  It only gets better from there.  The Gaffer is finishing the Medico's sentences and lets him know that the Gaffer has had his body longer than the Medico has been alive and would he (the Medico) like to know about autopsy procedures on someone this healthy?

It is about this time that the Medico realizes that s/he has become an ultracrepidarian...

Le Conteur

Mondays - Blarghhhh

Have another cuppa Joe.

Le Conteur

Neighbors are like that

How many of you out there are really friends with your neighbors?  The Boardinghouse has neighbors that like us and neighbors that tolerate us and neighbors that wish we would move. We bought this house with the hope that we could  remedy some of its faults and live here for quite awhile without too much sturm and drang.

Well....as the saying goes, not necessarily so.  The Gaffer and I are beyond our sell-by date and yet we keep trying to keep up a good front and say we are only fourty somethings in a weird old body.  We have a deck that is HUGE and really looked good when we bought the place, but recently Toothless fell through the deck stairs and we decided they needed to be replaced...one thing led to another and we are investigating a demsy dumpster in the driveway and a HUGE pizza and beer party to demolish what is left of our deck.  Then as the story goes, that's not the end.  We will keep you all informed of our findings.  Archeology has always been a love of mine.

Back to neighbors, we - the Gaffer and I - took down the stairs, paused, had liquid refreshment and then fell out for the night.  About two days later, the Irish Stud that lives next door appeared on our doorstep:  "Need some help taking down the deck, I've got about three fellows that could do it in a weekend?"  Could we say no?  Again, we will keep you informed.

Le Conteur.

Tension amongst the troops

Well, we brought in a couple of new boarders today...right off the bat there was a snarling bit of "I own this, YOU don't".  Now, there is only so much room around the dining table, so we are going to have to eat in shifts...and bathroom priveleges are going to have to be worked out.

This was not my idea, but one boarder needed to have some solice and needed her family with her.  Now when I put out for roomers, I specifically state, no kids, no pets...we have enough drama without adding any that are not our own.

I usually am stronger of will and sterner of face...but I will yield this time - for awhile - wish me luck.

The Gaffer is hiding his head and letting me know "he told me so".

Le Conteur

Why do we say it?

I am a bibliophile.  Whenever we move, we pack up the books first and Poof! the whole house is almost empty.  Sometimes I will go through the books, grit my teeth and try to determine which books I haven't read or looked at or have really, really outgrown.

I found this one:  "Why do we say it?" and I have been enthralled ever since.  I listen to everything people say and try to figure out where the phrase came from, why we still say it or whether we should just drop it.  There are also times where I say...who says that...you're kidding aren't you.

"Wink is as good as a nod"; Wisdom teeth";  "Handwritting on the wall".  No wonder English is such a difficult language to learn, we keep putzing it up with slang, shorthand and idioms...or idiot toms.

How about "Froonce" or "Gaberlunzie"?

And then there are the ads that seem ok..."New Housing for Elderly Not Yet Dead."

Hasta La Vista.

Le Conteur

An Agreement

I follow two blogs fairly religiously, Law Dog, and Fatale Abstraction.  I do this for two reasons, they make me chuckle and Law Dog tests my speech agility as well as my sympathy for his life choices.  Law Dog recently tried to by a new phone...I will leave it to you to go there and see the results of his search.  I can sympathize, I also have the nearest thing to a brick that is still available. 

I don't need Facebook, Twitter, IPhone, Scrolling touch....any of that.  I don't even answer my phone most of the time...drives the boarders at The Boardinghouse nuts.  Another thing...who has fingers as small as those keys?  Texting, Hah!  My texts come out something like fgiureioitfdoirtytoiuyresdlkfg.  And that is with punctuation!  Also, I sort of like to keep my head up and lookin' around...lots see out there.  Check my email while driving....hum...I get mostly Spam and the delete button is tinier yet.  What's going to happen when the cells towers go down, when they are jammed...I guess it is my background in Homeland Security and Disaster work that keeps me asking the "what if" question all the time.

Sigh....

Le Conteur

Favorite Movie

This is amazing!  This simple mathematical exercise can predict your favorite movie. It must have been created by a real genius. I don't know how it works, but it works every time!

Be honest and don't look at the movie list below until you have done the math!

OK, just humor me and do it!

The quiz can predict which movies you would enjoy the most. It really works...for most of us anyway!

Movie Quiz:

1. Pick a number from 1-9.

2. Multiply by 3.

3. Add 3.

4. Multiply by 3 again.

5. Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your predicted favorite movie from the list of 18 movies below:

Movie List:
1. Gone With the Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama Farewell Speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of The Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire

hummmm

Le Conteur

Snow Festival

February 6th is the day of the Sapporo Snow Festival.  Japan,in 1949 children built six huge snowmen in the main square of Sapporo, in northern Japan.  The snowmen were so popular that the city decided to sponsor a snow sculpture display every year.  Today, all kinds of groups - carpenters, atheletes, chefs, etc. - design and build giant sculptures.  They often use steel frames, and thousands of tons of snow brought down from the mountains and ice chipped out of the river.  For three days more that 200 sculptures fill Odori Park.


Although we are in Tornado alley and the winters are known to be brutal...we are having 60 degree days and the weather gods are not prognosticating without full body armor.

We are going to pay for this weather...somewhere, somehow.

Le Conteur

The Boardinghouse #1

I have been advised that maybe I should introduce you all to the members of The Boardinghouse...this is Toothless. His name is Jean Luc...yes after JL Picard...He is sitting in our dog transfer unit in a Penske truck supervising the move from the Rainy to the Plains.  This year he is 22 years old, he is a cross between a longhaired chihuahua and a papillion...sort of like a cross between Sean Connery and Sir Lawerence Olivier. 

He is trained to be a Disaster Service Dog and works with the CISD/CISM teams to help relieve some of the stress so that those of us who run to the fire can get back on the job quickly.

He, himself, is a rescue dog...he has three working legs and the other he uses when his is in amorous mode and wishes to hug.  He has helped me teach the inner workings of thanatology to police, fire and rescue and also Citizen Emergency Response Teams. 

He will always be my best friend...he knows too much.

Le Conteur

ESTATE SALES

The Gaffer and I have furnished The BoardingHouse with "antiques" or "Anti" "Ques".  Also, castoffs, garage sales and family handmedowns.

We have been frequenting a specific company's estate sales for about three years now and we believe that we drive a fairly hard bargain.  Now, we can't say that our roomers feel the same way about all of this stuff.
Toothless just needs a soft bed, frequent feeding and a good TV show.  The Mouth, doesn't like anything and could care less, the Cop ALWAYS checks to see if the stuff is "hot", the princess just makes sure we bring home something "pretty" and Missy just follows us around on our haunts and keeps asking, "Do you really need that, don't we have one at home?"

I read something the other day by Jane Bryant Quinn, a US financial writer:
  "The three immutable facts:
  You own stuff.
  You will die.
  Someone will get that stuff."

Hum...a new year...so we have decided that we will purge the premises...take some pictures of the "wonderful" things we have been accumulating and send the pics to various family members and say..."Hey, you want this? Cuz if you don't if goes away!"  I wonder what it would be like to actually have floor space that you don't have to walk (or leap) around to get to the other side of the room?

Actually, that will just inspire us to go gleaning again!  Good thought!

Le Conteur

AH, JANUARY

Do you make New Year's Resolutions?  Do you mislay where you placed them about the 15th of January?  Join the crowd.  That is why I don't make resolutions...at any time.  I know me. Let's see, what are the usual ones...lose weight, I like to eat...they don't go together.  Exercise more, I have a job that requires that I sit most of the day and they frown on jogging around the cubicle - I disturb the other cubemoles.  Relax more, sort of an oxymoron with "exercise more" right before it...Get more sleep...ever work a night shift? Got kids? Live in an apartment?  See, no make resolutions!

I do like to take out the Tarot cards once in awhile to see if I need to take more care in my daily endeavors.  Today I  flipped over "The Chariot".  This lends itself to the interpretation of : "Fortitude"  That also happens to be the slogan on my coat of arms for my Clan MacRae...hum. Also, perseverance...I am tied of persevering. Need for attention to detail.  Ah, that is why I am "cleaning house".  Also means "balance"  that also happens to be my birth sign...Libra.  Ok, that's enough "coincidence". 

Back to cleaning and sorting!

Le Conteur.